Dear Steve
by CapriAri
Summary: Life is both rough for Steve and Bucky, but it becomes rougher when Steve deals with Bucky losing all of his memories.
1. Asthma

**Authors Note: Hi guys! Just trying something out. This idea came to my head and I just felt the need to write it. Hope you enjoy!**

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 **Chapter 1: Asthma**

It was a cold December afternoon. Scarves were nuzzled against people's mouths, wrapping around their necks. Coats were piled upon layers and layers of clothing. The trickle of light snowfall began to kiss at people's cheeks. Their noses were already turning bright red from the shivering wind.

Steve, however, just carried a light coat and his hands were shoved in his pockets as he quickly tired to make his way home. The cold air wasn't too great for his lungs, but he forgot to grab his thicker (not very) coat when he went out the door. He began to shiver profusely as more snow began to fall. Steve started slow jogging now, pulling up the collar of his jacket with his stone cold hands. He glanced at them once, and they were a light shade of blue.

" _Oh No",_ Steve thought to himself as he coughed, more like wheezing. He rummaged through his coat pocket as he turned the corner into a haze of icy wind. Only one more block to his house he had to go, but the wind made it a difficult task. He wheezed with more difficulty when he took out his hand, but all he found was a ball of lint and a wrapper of some sort. His epinephrine wasn't in any pocket to be found.

"Just a…" He coughed some more. "Few more steps…" Steve was already making his way up his house steps, and as he looked for the key he noticed his hands were a deep shade of blue now. He could feel his throat closing up and his chest heaving with what strength he had left.

After what felt like hours for him, he forgot that he hid his spare key above the doorsill this time. He dragged himself up off the floor and wheezed with more force to breathe as he took a small leap to reach the key. His hand fumbled in the key lock. Steve could feel the numbness spreading like wildfire through his hands and up his veins to his chest. He finally got his door opened and fell through it, clutching at his throat. Trickles of black started to fog his eyesight.

"Merry Christmas!" yelled a content familiar voice. Bucky leaped from over the couch where his hiding spot was. "Surpri..Steve?!" Bucky's eyes widened as he hurried towards him and dragged Steve from the skin piercing wind and slammed the door shut in the process. He ran to the kitchen drawers and rummaged things around as he found an extra bottle and syringe of Steve's epinephrine medication.

Bucky ran back to Steve still clutching at his throat, gasping for air. His eyes began to get glossy and his lips were now turning a deep hue of blue as well. Bucky struggled to quickly take off Steve's jacket. He tried to find a place to inject Steve's medicine, but in any place the needle would go straight through him. Bucky settled for any muscle visible to him in Steve's arm. And injected the meds, watching the clear liquid slowly leave the syringe. Once he was done, he threw it to the side and held Steve's head in his lap. He watched Steve's blue hands and lips with worry as they slowly turned to a lighter shade of blue. Steve's eyes slowly closed, but a slight wheeze was still audible.

The last thing Steve saw before he was too weak to keep his eyes opened was Bucky carrying him to the mattress on the floor. Bucky repositioned them both so his back was leaning against the wall, legs spread out in front of him and Steve was in-between them, lying against his chest. Bucky was filled with worry as he rubbed Steve's chest gently, massaging so his lungs would receive the oxygen they needed. Bucky felt a bit at ease as he saw Steve's hands we're no longer blue but returning to his normal shade of skin. He pulled a blanket on top of them both. Steve was still ice cold as he kept massaging.

Steve murmured "Merry… Christmas…" before he completely blacked out against Bucky's chest.

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 **Authors Note: Super short, but I do intend to keep up with this if it plays out right! Leave a review if you'd like. And I hope everyone is having a great day!**

 **-Ari**

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 _Sneek Peek for Ch.2:_

 _"Just look at all the trouble I went through to break in and make this for you!" Bucky grinned as he motioned to the small pine tree filling the tiny corner of his home. Steve turned around, looking at the tree, with falling pines and garland crisscrossed in every way imaginable. The sight brought a smile to his face..."_


	2. Dear Steve

**Author's Note: Second Installment, Hope you guys like it :)**

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 **Chapter 2: Dear Steve**

The smell of firewood filled Steve's home, along with the scent of pine and old leather. But his favorite aroma of all of them consumed the room as well. Bucky.

The blond furrowed his brow as he began to breathe normally again. He took in a deep breath, taking in the scents all around. As he inhaled, he wondered why there was a soothing pressure against his chest. The young man slowly opened his eyes and looked down. Bucky was still massaging his chest. He deeply sighed as he grabbed the brunette's hand and laid it down on the mattress. Steve was still leaning against Bucky's chest, but he just stared at the man's hand. He finally raised himself up off of Bucky's chest and turned his whole body to face him, but he didn't stare back at the brunette. Instead he settled for looking down at the mattress.

"That's the third time this month, Buck…" he quietly spoke then paused. "I'm sorry." Steve frowned as he rubbed his head.

"Why are you apologizing, Steve?" Bucky finally uttered. "You know I don't mind. It does scare the crap out of me, but I've learned to deal with it since we were kids." He mentioned, not taking his eyes off the blond, making sure he was okay.

Steve didn't quite know why he was apologizing, but he felt like he was a burden to Bucky. He didn't like feeling weak. He wanted to be able to at least enjoy life while he could. At least to also make it easier on Buck.

"C'mon Steve… I know what you're thinking," Bucky longingly begged. "You're nowhere near a nuisance, alright?" He got up, patting the young man's back, and walked to the Christmas tree he so horribly set up before Steve tumbling home. "Just look at all the trouble I went through to break in and make this for you!" Bucky grinned as he motioned to the small pine tree filling the tiny corner of his home. Steve turned around, looking at the tree, with falling pines and garland crisscrossed in every way imaginable. The sight brought a smile to his face and he got up as well, walking towards the tree. He noticed two ornaments as he continued getting closer. He held them in his hands as he inspected them and his smile turned to a grin.

"Punk… and Jerk," Steve chuckled as he read aloud what each ornament had inscribed on them.

"Of course, only the finest ornaments are placed upon this tree I so masterly created." Bucky smirked as he played with some of the garland.

"These are the _only_ ornaments," Steve rolled his eyes laughing towards Bucky

"Hey, I tried." Bucky grinned and then bent down, dragging a box out from underneath.

The blond watched as he saw the rustling from under the tree and the other man sat down, patting the floor next to him. Steve obliged, watching with wonder at the newspaper wrapped box and some frayed piece of ribbon to represent a bow he presumed.

Steve tried so hard not to chuckle but he couldn't help it.

"What the hell is that?" laughing as he strained the words out.

"Hey hey now, It's the best wrapping in the world, if I do say so myself." Bucky smiled as he passed it to Steve. "Merry Christmas, Steve."

"Buck… You didn't have to…" He looked at him with such a sad expression, yet his eyes alit with a sort of twinkling smile to them.

Bucky nudged him with his shoulder. "Of course I did," He shrugged. "Who else would I get a present for, idiot…" He laughed as he nudged him even more. "C'mon open it already…" The brunette insisted with excitement.

The blonde shook his head as he began to chuckle again putting his present aside. "Hold on…" He held up a finger at Buck as he ran to a storage cupboard and rose up on the tips of his toes to reach a fairly large sized box. Taking it down, it covered his face as he walked back to his sitting spot. "Here, you open yours first, Buck. Merry Christmas," He grinned as he set the box in front of a wide opened mouth Bucky.

"Oh, and you were giving me shit for getting you that thing?!" Pointing as his small present compared to Steve's.

Steve rolled his eyes as he mimicked Bucky, nudging him as well when he sat back down next to him. "Open it!"

The brunette jokingly glared at Steve as he pulled at the perfectly made bow to unravel it. He lifted up the box lid and got to his knees to look inside. His jaw dropped and lifted out a nice pair of navy blue dress pants and a darker shaded tie, along with shiny back dress shoes. He then lifted out the navy blue coat to go with it all and stared back at Steve, eyes wide and if his mouth could fall any lower then it was.

"Steve… are you _shitting_ me… This must have cost you a fortune!" Basically screaming as he turned the coat over to fully examine it. He finally put it on and read the tag sticking out. "Brooks fucking Brothers line! Steve, no…" He shook off the coat gently and gave it to Steve. "Take it back, that's too expensive, and I don't want you wasting your money on me…" He stared at Steve as his face went serious with apologetic eyes.

Steve shook his head and gave him the hugest smile pushing back the coat to him. "No, Buck. It's all yours… I saved up for this. I can afford it… Plus, you haven't even opened the rest of your gift." Steve grinned and now he was bouncing with excitement.

"Goddammit, Steve…" Bucky glared at him as he set the coat down gently and looked back in the box. There was a single brown leather bound journal and a reel of unused Polaroid film at the bottom. Bucky picked up the journal and ran his hand over the front cover. It was a rather large journal, but what caught his attention was the gold lettering embroidered in the leather. _J.B.B._ He opened the journal and on the first page was written, _"Buck, you always know how to capture the best moments. Make Brooklyn proud." –S.G.R._ In every page of the journal there was a place to insert a photo. The man ran his hands over those places and glanced back at the box of Polaroid film.

"See… that's where you can put the pictures that you take and maybe write about them. I know how much you like to take pictures so… Yeah." The blond explained as he shrugged.

"S-Steve…" Bucky was speechless. He closed the journal and placed it back in the box. He did the same to the clothing as he folded them gently back in.

"Y-you don't like them…?" The young man asked very softly, trying not to sound so broken.

The man looked up at the blond and stared at him for a couple of seconds. He had a sincere smile widening across his face as he leaped across to hug him. They both fell to the floor with Bucky only embracing tighter and nuzzling into Steve's neck. Steve couldn't help but laugh hard as he wrapped his arms around Bucky.

"Thanks, Stevie." Bucky muttered against Steve's neck, making Steve shiver with pleasure, but the brunette only hugged tighter.

Steve coughed a bit awkwardly, and patted Bucky's back. "You're welcome, Buck. But also, you're crushing me."

The man lifted them back up and chuckled while letting him go, "Sorry sorry..." Pausing for a bit. "Speaking of sorry…" He turned back around to grab Steve's present and handed it to him. "I'm sorry that you get such a horrible present now, compared to yours." Sighing as he watched Steve slowly open it with a grin. "But Merry Christmas…" Bucky finished.

The young man tore away at the frayed ribbon and then began to work on tearing away the newspaper on the box. He finally got the lid off and placed it aside. As he held the box in his hands, he only stared in, not believing what he got. He lifted some of the materials out of the box. Holding a charcoal stick and a pencil in one hand, he lifted out a couple of brushes and a set of tubes of watercolors in the other. They were all from the General's company.

"Bucky! These are hard to come by?! You didn't have to do this!" Steve was looking at him wide-eyed while holding the supplies still in his hands, in complete awe by them.

"Oh shut the hell up… Mr. "I bought a whole outfit for you…" Bucky grinned. "Keep going, you're not done with the rest of your horrible present."

When he looked in the bottom of the box there was fairly large sketchbook. He chuckled as he set the materials down, taking out some of the other supplies that were still on top of the sketchbook. He opened to the first page reading what was scribbled on the cover: _"Stevie, I know I'm not the best artist, but I know someone who is… Michelangelo. Hehe, yeah I know I know he's a sculptor. But with your skill, you make all those other artists jealous. Have fun, punk." –J.B.B._ On the next page there was a horribly drawn sketch of a Christmas tree, with two ornaments that had "punk" and "jerk" designed on them. The sketch was dated _–Bucky: 12/25/38._ While Steve admired the drawing, his heart warmed and spread throughout his body. He kept on looking from the materials given to him and the sketchbook, and finally Bucky. He set them aside and cherished the brunette's stature, his wide grin he was so proudly wearing, the way the light from the fireplace bounced off his crinkled eyes and tinted cheeks.

"So… did you like that atrocity?" Bucky sincerely smiled at Steve.

The young man's heart pounded. Every time Bucky smiled, it was as if he lit up the whole room.

"Buck, You honestly didn't have to get me anything… I don't know why you even bother to put up wit-"

"Hold on to that thought…" He raised a finger to the blond. "I forgot to give you this too," Bucky cut off Steve as he handed him a letter.

"What's this?" The young man asked examining it and then opening it

"Just read it… I'm no good with saying words out loud, but writing, yes." Bucky rubbed the back of his head.

Steve began to unfold the note and read:

 _"Dear Steve,_

 _It's Christmas time and I'm not sure how many holidays we have spent together. I honestly think it's around a hundred. Wow, Hehe. But, I want you to know; you're the only person I would want to spend them with. I know I can't afford much, and I can't really afford expensive gifts that I know would make you happy, but I hope what I can get is enough for you to be content._

 _Rough times are falling upon us, with the war and all, so I feel like it's a necessary time to say this…_

 _Steve, I don't know where I would be if I hadn't met you that one day on the play yard. You were new to the school and you shied away behind your mom as she talked with Mrs. Smith. I remember glancing towards you and gave you a smile and you hid even more behind your mom. I_ _was_ _going to walk up to you and ask if you wanted to play with me, but then that stupid little Rosy Johnson pulled me by my wrist and dragged me away._

 _Well technically we met when I was walking to school and fell across you in an alleyway. I could remember the sounds of muffled bangs, and a groan following them. Oh and I'll never forget that fucking little shit, Peter… His clear words of "You never know when to stop do you, blue eyes?" And of course I remember the sound of your strained little voice, panting with ferocity, telling him, "I could do this all day…" I didn't know whether to laugh out loud first or punch that shit in the jaw. Then I saw those other two dumbasses, Tommy and Billy, approach with rocks. I yelled at them to pick on someone their own size and ran at them, tackling them. I got up and punched Peter straight in the eye. Those cowards… Ran when they saw Peter crying and running away. Boy, did Mrs. Smith have a talk with me. Hehe. But the point is, I'll never forget that day because even after all the scrapes and bruises you endured you still managed to tell me that you didn't need my help. I just let out a laugh and a hand telling you "You had them on the ropes, I know… My names James Buchanan Barnes, but call me Bucky." Damn, was I such a formal kid? Anyways, but the way you stared at my hand and then shook it, smiling a bit… replying "Steven Grant Rogers… But call me Steve" And you smirked you lil' shit. That's what made me so fond of you since the beginning. But yet, you were so polite that it intrigued me. I think you equaled me out. You were the sweet I needed in my mischievous little soul._

 _We became the best of friends that year. I followed you everywhere and you followed me everywhere. I was glad that I could finally call someone my best friend. Then I remember that one day Peter was so angry that he didn't have his favorite cute blond punching bag. He cornered us that one time in the playground and began to wail on you, but then you just yelled and threw a punch to his stomach and he was so stunned by it, he took a few steps back. It didn't take long till Tommy joined him and I knew you couldn't fight them. So I stepped in front of you and they began to beat me up. But then I got in my couple of good punches, however; Mrs. Smith came running out and pulled us apart. I wanted more, I wasn't going to let them get away with hurting you, but then I felt your small hand on my shoulder, as I was about to tackle one of them. I looked down to you and all you said was, "You had them on the ropes Buck, I know." From then on, I knew we'd be inseparable._

 _I also remember the first time you got an asthma attack in front of me. I was so scared, I was crying, thinking you were going to die. I was blubbering trying to help, but your mom handled the situation very swiftly and I watched in horror but in amazement as the bluing around your lips and hands faded. When she was done, she asked for my hand and I gave it to her, she placed it on your chest and told me to rub gently. While I was doing that, she explained what was happening to you. I sniffled as I realized you weren't going to die and I put your head in my lap and continued rubbing, waiting for you to wake up._

 _I didn't want to lose you, and still today, I don't ever want to lose you. You're my best friend, my family, and everything to me, Steven Grant Rogers. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I care for you a lot, even if I don't show it sometimes. I hope we'll get through these rough times together, because I'm with you till the end of the line, Steve._

 _Sincerely,_

 _James Buchanan Barnes_

Steve's eyes were getting glossy as he looked up at Bucky who was smiling so sweetly at him. He tossed the note gently aside and just couldn't resist anymore, he leapt across to cup Bucky's face with his frail hands and quickly placed his lips against the brunette's for mere seconds. Bucky was surprised but didn't lean away, rather he leaned in a little…but the blond did pull away and went wide-eyed.

"I-I'm so sorry Buck.. I-I don't know what came over me, I jus-" The young man was abruptly cut off by the lips of the brunette pressed up, once again, against his own. Bucky's strong hands brought Steve in closer, and Steve couldn't help but run his hands through Bucky's soft tresses. They continued for some time, exploring the others mouths as the longing desire they've been waiting for consumed them. Bucky finally broke from the heated kiss as the both breathed for air. He continued holding Steve, whose lips and cheeks were flushed, embarrassingly red, closely and foolishly grinning at him speaking,

"And I didn't even have to set up the mistletoe…"

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 **Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed reading and please leave a review if you'd like! Hope this time of the year is going swell for all!**

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Sneek Peek for Ch.3:

 _Steve rolled his eyes, laughing as he nudged him and reached out to the sofa where his coat was. He slid it on in one fast motion and looked back towards the man, the man who was known for taking out girls these beautiful nights._

 _"Ready?" Bucky bounced with excitement._

 _Steve gulped and nodded._

 _"Ready."_


	3. Truths

**Authors Note: Happy New Year! I was going to post this New Year's Eve. But I got super lazy. But Any-who... Enjoy!**

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 **Chapter 3: Truths**

 _"God, he's beautiful"_ The blonde daydreamed as he admired the exquisite features Bucky owned. He couldn't seem to stop staring at the man's lips from far away. The way they curved, the way they were always so lush and full of life. Steve was sitting in his chair, mesmerized about touching the man's lips with his thumb, licking them… biting them. The blonde blushed at the thought and cracked a smile. He looked back down at his new sketchbook and began to sketch the brunette's lips with such delicate strokes of the pencil.

"How long do I have to sit here for, Stevie?" Bucky complained. He scrunched up his nose, not wanting to move, but having a serious itch, he continued to make silly faces with such concentration.

"Jesus, if you're gonna keep moving like that, might as well just scratch it," chuckled the blonde as he made a few tweaks here and there to his drawing.

"How am I coming along? Dashing as always?" grinning with delight as he bounded towards him to look over Steve's shoulder and watch the progress. "Oh, so basically you were just making chicken scratches over here," He motioned to where what seemed to look like a sketch for hair and facial structure. "But decided to fully Picasso my lips I see…" Smirked the man.

"It's a work in progress," mumbled Steve as he tried to hide his blushing, turning away to keep sketching.

Bucky shook his head, smiling, and bent down to lay a kiss on Steve's head. He chuckled as he walked away towards the kitchen. Steve's eyes shot opened and it didn't help the redness in his cheeks to go way.

Bucky and Steve hadn't spoken about their kiss the other night, but rather, they let it go. It was so casual; that it felt like it's what they've been doing for ages. It felt so right and so safe; Steve just wanted to kiss him all over, to know what he felt like under his lips…

 _"Jesus, what's wrong with me,"_ Steve shook his head at the thought, but when he looked back upon the brunette in the kitchen, he was opening cupboards, making his shirt rise up a little, showing a tiny sliver of skin that somehow managed to make Steve blush even harder. _"Why hadn't we talked after that kiss? It was late… but why didn't we talk about it…"_ Steve furrowed his brow, wondering.

"Hey Buck, about the oth-"

"Damn, you're all out of food, Stevie…" Hummed the brunette, still raiding the cabinets. "Should we just…" He crouched down, to look about below in the lower cupboards. "Hey, I have an idea…" The man stood up, appearing with a wide grin on his face. "Let me take you out… to dinner that is." He raised an eyebrow in wonderment.

Steve was caught by surprise with the question, but his face fell apologetically. "Buck, I don't know… You know how these days are…"

"What? With a bunch of assholes roaming the city, and their heads so far up their asses they don't know what's right from wrong?" He said as he crossed his arms, raising both eyebrows now. "I don't care." He finalized.

The blond smiled small setting his sketchbook aside. "But what if something happens-," once again, cut off.

"I won't let anything happen," scoffed Bucky. "If I know one thing, it's that we're right and they're wrong. You and me against the rest of them, they're no match," winked Bucky. "So whadda ya say?"

Steve hummed in thought, tapping his pencil against his thigh for a couple of seconds and then sighed.

"Fine. Where to?" Steve lightened up and smiled at the brunette.

"Yes! Okay okay. So…" Bucky began to run across the room to grab his box with the present that Steve gave him. "You be ready by 7:00! And…" He sputtered with excitement as he grabbed his belongings, treading to the door, carrying all of his things with some struggle, but managed it all pretty easily. He opened the door and Steve laughed as Bucky was zipping about the room. "I'll be here to pick you up, no backing out, okay bye!" He slammed the door shut behind him before Steve could say anything.

Steve was standing in his living room as he chuckled and rubbed his head, not believing what just happened.

"I'm going on a date with James Barnes…" He gleefully sighed out as if he were the luckiest person in the world.

Indeed he was.

* * *

Steve checked the time again as he buttoned up his shirt, tucking the ends into his pants, and looping the belt in as quickly as he could. His hands were shaking from excitement, yet in fear for what Bucky might think of him.

It was different now. Steve did always see Bucky more than a friend, but he never knew if that's how Bucky felt as well. What if it was just a pity party for him because Bucky felt bad for the poor sick boy?

Steve clutched the rusty old sink in his bathroom as he dry heaved, his stomach being consumed by the doubt and terror washing over himself.

"Pull…" He gulped with force "Yourself together…" He strained out as he looked into the mirror. Grabbing a towel quickly, he wiped sweat beads that were forming on his forehead. "It's just a dinner… Just some dinner with your Bucky- I mean buddy… dinner with a buddy." He slowly breathed out as he continued to wipe away beads.

The blond began to fumble with working on his tie, which felt like it was taking him ages, till he finally got it worked up to his neck. There was a sudden knock on the door.

 _"You're early!"_ He internally screamed to himself as he ran to the door to open it.

There he was, leaning against the railing, in his new suit, wearing it finer than Steve could imagine. The suit hugged his features and muscles nicely, and Steve couldn't help but stare him up and down as he held the door. Bucky's hands were in his pockets, till he brought one up to adjust his tie.

"So?" Bucky smiled wide, looking up at Steve.

"It… It-" sighing with a small smile, "You look good, Buck." Steve chuckled.

Bucky couldn't help but grin and walk towards Steve. "I love it Steve, thank you again." Bucky grinned and walked inside, pulling Steve in along. "You almost rea-," He was saying but then fell to look upon Steve's attire. "annnnd I see you can't really tie a tie, Stevie…" The brunette smirked as he untied the horrendous knot the young man made and began to tie it correctly. Steve clenched his jaw at the close proximity, but he was fond of the man's touch even if he just grazed his neck a bit with his knuckles. Bucky fixed the young man's collar, and brushed off the blonde's shoulders.

"There…" The brunette said to himself as he eyed Steve up and down as well, grinning. "Looking sharp, Rogers." He winked as he tucked his hands into his pockets again.

Steve rolled his eyes, laughing as he nudged him and reached out to the sofa where his coat was. He slid it on in one slick motion and looked back towards the man, the man who was known for taking out girls these beautiful nights.

"Ready?" Bucky bounced with excitement.

Steve gulped and nodded.

"Ready."

* * *

The air was soft yet a chilling breeze that glided past the people's faces. Couples were bustling down the streets as they held their loved ones near them. Steve could feel the deadly air slipping through his chest, threatening to attack him. Slightly coughing, he caught the brunette's attention immediately.

"Just hang on, it's a couple more shops down." Bucky nervously talked, wondering if it was a good idea or not to take Steve out on such a freezing night.

"Yeah, it's not so bad. Besides, I brought a thicker jacket this time." The blond chuckled as he shivered. Bucky let out a slight laugh, a bit less worried.

They finally arrived at the small, yet prestigious restaurant, Eden. Which had a long line forming down the block.

"Don't tell me… we're eating here…" Steve stopped Bucky, stretching out his arm across the man's chest. "There's no way we'd get in with this long of a line, and no way to afford it." He sighed as he started to turn around.

The brunette grinned and grabbed Steve's wrist, guiding him towards the front of the line.

"C'mon, Stevie. I got this." Winking at a bemused Steve, Bucky gave a wider grin towards Steve before turning towards the maître d' at the front of the doors calling people's names.

"Hi. Barnes. For two?" Giving a sincere smile at the man, who looked back down to his list and crossed off a name.

"Yes, Barnes for two at 7:30. I have table set for you sir. Come this way," The maître d' politely led the way to a table towards the back of the restaurant.

"H-how'd you do that?" the blond whispered as he brushed some hair out his face, noticing how every person inside was dressed so formal, making him feel underdressed.

"My good looks." The man retorted, without turning towards the blond, but his features from behind could clearly show his grin stretching across his face.

"Here you go sir. Someone will be with you shortly to receive your order." The polite man said as they sat down and then walked away.

"Told ya I'd be able to get us in. You underestimate me, Rogers." The brunette smiled as he shook his head, and began to look at the menu. Steve did the same, while rolling his eyes.

After a couple minutes of quietness, and decision-making, Steve placed his menu down, his attention caught by the soothing sounds of a violin filling the place. He leaned back, closing his eyes, and took a deep breath. Smiling. He didn't know why, but it calmed him down, it made him forget about the butterflies in his stomach, about the clamminess in his palms, about the nerves building up to this time of the night. It was a perfect way to relax it off. His brow twitched with each note that pleased his ears, and his soft smile grew wider. He took another deep breath and finally opened his eyes again to Bucky staring at him like he was the sunshine on this Earth.

"What…?"

"Nothing… Nothing..." Bucky slightly chuckled. "It's just, hmm…" He paused. "I don't know how to put it." He grinned.

"What is it?" Steve demanded a bit more

The man laughed with Steve's tone of voice, making him just grin more.

"I guess, I admire how you admire music." He softly smiled. Steve was about to retort to him about something just when the waiter arrived at their table.

"How may I serve you gentlemen?" The waiter patiently stood, waiting for an answer. Bucky looked towards Steve for his order first and Steve coughed awkwardly, shuffling his menu around and sitting up straight, which just caused Bucky to smile a bit wider.

"S-sorry," the blonde stuttered as he pretended to scour the menu again to answer the waiter's question. "I'll just take a bowl of your soup special for tonight. Th-thank-you." He could feel the sweat pooling on his hands again. Taking a deep he heard Bucky order the same as him, but it felt like it was distant. Steve didn't know why, but he felt so anxious and nervous. Like something would explode any minute if he took another shaky breath. He fiddled with his tie, feeling as if it was choking him. He was one of those people who bounced their leg up and down when any threat of anxiety tried to surface. He was becoming fidgety.

The blond suddenly felt a hand placed on his bouncing knee, but when he looked at the man sitting across from him, he was still casually making conversation to the waiter, ordering a couple things. He could feel the hand squeeze his knee in re-assurance to help him calm down and it did, his leg stopped. Steve placed his hand above the one on his knee and squeezed back the brunette's fingers. He watched Bucky's face again, and he paused in his conversation with the waiter for a mere second to smile, and then continued again, intertwining his fingers with Steve's under the table now. Steve took a deep breath again, but this time in a sense of security, like nothing could ruin this night, as long as he was here in this moment, it was good, it was perfect.

The waiter finally left with the order, and Bucky continued to hold Steve's hand under the table, gliding his thumb across Steve's. They didn't say a word, because they didn't need to. It was as if their hands did the talking for them. Steve used his other arm to prop his head into his hand to continue to listen to the soothing sounds of the violin, while Bucky continued to admire Steve's small movements, appreciating the music.

"Here you are sirs…" The waiter interrupted the long silence as he placed the food on the table and some wine in glasses, causing Bucky and Steve to let go of each other's hands and sit up properly again. "Do enjoy." And with that he left.

The brunette coughed, clearing his throat, but still smiling. Taking one of his spoons, he began to start eating, appreciative moans accompanying along with each new taste of food.

Steve chuckled at the man's antics but a thought began to waver off into his mind, making him just stare at Bucky, furrowing his brow.

"Is this where you take all the ladies…" piping out.

Bucky gulped the bite in his mouth and lowered down the spoon, staring back at Steve with a sort of shocked but grinning feature.

"Why do you ask? Is it because you wanna know my tips and tricks?" He raised an eyebrow wiggling it.

"Just wanna know if I'm just some old broad to you as well, getting played by the same tricks," He finished off, now picking at a piece of bread. His face was screaming anger, but on the inside he was feeling exposed, hurt… used.

Bucky set his utensil down, looking down towards the table. When Steve looked back towards his face, it was about the same expression as Steve's.

It was quiet for some time after the young man's comment and that's when he knew he blew the night. Steve was about to apologize, but before he could speak, Bucky was already cutting him off.

"I don't think this place looks like a back alley where you're getting groped, or behind a movie theater because the people inside can't hear the childish jokes because they sound awfully a lot like groans and moans, or a goddamn park bench in the middle of the night because you're too drunk as shit to reach the apartment… No, I'm in an actual restaurant with an actual person that I don't want to just skip the date and go forward to the night…" He finished off, with a small glare to hide a blush that was threatening to surface his cheeks.

"Buck… I-Im sorry… it's just that…" Steve wanted to reword what he meant, but he couldn't find the words.

"You know-" Bucky began chuckling to mask the hurt and anger behind his voice. "...Remember when we went on double dates?"

"Y-yeah," Curious where this conversation was going along.

"You'd _always_ tell me to tell them the good stuff about you. _Always._ Of course I wasn't going to tell them anything bad, because how could I? What is there bad to tell?" Fiddling with a fork as he spoke. "But I guess it hit me back as well, because I'd go on and on _and_ on about how great you are. The way you stand so tall and proud, not dwelling on the past but towards the future. The way you are when someone is talking, all your attention is focused on him or her, and my God the way you laugh…" Bucky paused to look at the twiddling fork in his fingers, smiling.

"The way you laugh and smile is a blessing for one to witness. Because in that moment, that very moment when you grin and your eyes crinkle in that sort of way..." Bucky paused for a moment, swayed by his own words as if he were imagining Steve's smile. Making him look mesmerized with joy. "That's when you know all is good. What can go wrong when you have this amazing guy to make you feel like nothing is wrong in this world…" Bucky was grinning wider as he was entranced by his words and Steve was feeling like more and more of an ass as he went on.

"And you know what these girls would tell me?" the brunette raised his eyebrows at Steve.

The young man was tingeing pink at the cheeks, and hummed in questioning with a soft smile.

 _"You talk about him like he's God… Sounds to me you should go on the date with each other…"_ Bucky laughed quietly to himself and still didn't look up towards Steve, but continued fiddling with the fork. "And I thought to myself… _Why aren't I going on a date with this stupid kid…_ But I guess I always just thought you would laugh at me, or worse, maybe never talk to me again. So I let it go. I let all these other women take you out on a date, when in reality, I wanted to take you out myself…" He finished off, chuckling out a breath and taking his glass of wine, downing it with a gulp. He went for the bottle resting on the table to pour himself another drink, but a frail hand stopped him.

The blonde gripped the man's hand, giving it a squeeze and guided back down towards the table. The brunette somehow felt shocked for a reason that Steve even still bothered with him. Bucky slowly lifted his face towards the young man's who was smiling softly back at him.

"Let me tell you the truth too… It's only fair…" He quietly uttered as he gave another small squeeze at the man's large hand compared to his own. "Well, remember those double dates?" He sighed out a laugh. "The only reason I ever went on them was to find the right partner…"

Bucky's face fell, feeling embarrassed now, thinking that Steve was leading in a different direction, a direction not following the same path as his. Steve noticed and squeezed Bucky's hand harder to get him to look back up at him.

"Hey, no. Listen. Buck, you don't understand. I found the right partner a long time ago. It was in an alley with a dumb kid who decided to help an even dumber kid who never backed down from a fight… I went on those dates because at least he was there, even if I wasn't the one going on a date with him…" Steve chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched Bucky lift his face up again, with a smile spreading slowly across his face, the brunette broke out in a chuckle as he drew in his bottom lip, biting it with a wide grin.

"All these years, and it took us about what? Thousands of double dates to get to this one?" Bucky's voice was filled with laughter as Steve joined along.

"We really are dumb kids…" Steve drew his hand away from Bucky's to rub his forehead, chuckling.

"Yes we are…" The brunette finished off with a chuckled sigh as well.

* * *

The rest of the night went smoothly after that. They enjoyed their drinks and meals in a peaceful tune of the violin to accompany their stolen glances at each other, admiring each other's presence. When the meal came to and end and they finally made their way out of the restaurant, they walked together closely, their hands barely grazing each other's, still laughing at each other's jokes and antics. The taller man whisked his hand down towards the young man's and laced his fingers with Steve's. The blond held on tight to the brunette's hand, but it didn't cause him to stop at all to look down, rather he just continued his funny story of some happening. And even if there was an awkward silence in between, they smiled because it didn't matter to them.

Finally, for once in a long time, they were happy.

* * *

 **Authors Note: And that's the end of that chapter! Leave a review, favorite, follow, or whatever! Hope everyone had Happy Holidays! Here's to a New Year!**

* * *

 _Preview for Ch. 4:_

 _"A d-dance...?" He stuttered, almost ashamed and embarrassed_

 _"A dance." Bucky grinned so wide as he reeled Steve in. "I'll teach you..." He murmured as he brought the blond in close, wrapping a strong arm around his skinny waist, his other hand holding Steve's small one so delicately. "Don't worry, I got you..." He whispered now as Steve was shaking._

 _Steve only gave him a soft smile in return because he already knew that._

 _Bucky had him a long time ago._


End file.
